Friday 25 March 2011
Why....
8 March 2011
I'm in Goa. God knows why. At least I hope he does because I haven't got a clue about what kicked me in the head to decide to come here. Knowing me, it was some romanticized idea of becoming a yoga queen (oh no, not a princess but a queen!) and possibly finding a Mr Right along the way…. Oh Jesus!!! What is wrong with me???
I've been here two seconds and am already traumatized! I literally only just got here and my first impression is that I DON’T LIKE IT. It’s not the heat – which is a bit annoying to begin with but it’s not that.
It’s the fact that when I was being picked up from the airport, my driver Ashok had the frivolity to put his hand on my right knee during half the ride without finding anything abnormal about it. Duh!
And then it’s my room – full of spiders and weird insects that have made themselves a home in the innumerable corners of my room and even the wardrobe and chest of drawers. Sweet! (Note the sarcasm here!)
It’s also the fact that it seems that every fart costs money. The people here think that I am the richest person in the world and can just throw my money after them for my personal amusement. They literally shove their opened hand into my face every time I dare to ask something. Every little thing wants to be rewarded with a “tip”.
What? I don’t get it. Help???
One, two, three….calm down!! Oh, come on, Helga! Get a grip. You’ve travelled half-way across the world to sit here in this barn room and moan??
I start telling myself that I have to trust myself and the reason/thought that brought me here. One thing is for sure though: it is not the tranquil little paradise I had hoped to find.
Everything is soooo noisy!!! I could have stood in the middle of Trafalgar Square – same thing: monkey’s screeching, honking, cars, birds, people shouting and all mixed together in a bowl of humid 35 degrees centigrade!!!!
Where exactly can I find this peace and quiet that I am so desperately seeking??
And then He pops back into my head. I think that I miss him. We’ve broken up – yet again. But this time for good. I think. I don’t understand how this could be happening but I miss him. Or the thought of him. Or really just anybody who is a little bit fond of me. How PATHETIC. I think I feel heartbroken but maybe I just pity myself. Again. PLOM: Poor little old me. Nobody loves me. (Heart-felt sobs...)
Yawn! For God’s sake, Helga. Get a grip. It’s just the culture shock. Tomorrow is another day and it can only get better.
I so hope it will.
xxx
I'm in Goa. God knows why. At least I hope he does because I haven't got a clue about what kicked me in the head to decide to come here. Knowing me, it was some romanticized idea of becoming a yoga queen (oh no, not a princess but a queen!) and possibly finding a Mr Right along the way…. Oh Jesus!!! What is wrong with me???
I've been here two seconds and am already traumatized! I literally only just got here and my first impression is that I DON’T LIKE IT. It’s not the heat – which is a bit annoying to begin with but it’s not that.
It’s the fact that when I was being picked up from the airport, my driver Ashok had the frivolity to put his hand on my right knee during half the ride without finding anything abnormal about it. Duh!
And then it’s my room – full of spiders and weird insects that have made themselves a home in the innumerable corners of my room and even the wardrobe and chest of drawers. Sweet! (Note the sarcasm here!)
It’s also the fact that it seems that every fart costs money. The people here think that I am the richest person in the world and can just throw my money after them for my personal amusement. They literally shove their opened hand into my face every time I dare to ask something. Every little thing wants to be rewarded with a “tip”.
What? I don’t get it. Help???
One, two, three….calm down!! Oh, come on, Helga! Get a grip. You’ve travelled half-way across the world to sit here in this barn room and moan??
I start telling myself that I have to trust myself and the reason/thought that brought me here. One thing is for sure though: it is not the tranquil little paradise I had hoped to find.
Everything is soooo noisy!!! I could have stood in the middle of Trafalgar Square – same thing: monkey’s screeching, honking, cars, birds, people shouting and all mixed together in a bowl of humid 35 degrees centigrade!!!!
Where exactly can I find this peace and quiet that I am so desperately seeking??
And then He pops back into my head. I think that I miss him. We’ve broken up – yet again. But this time for good. I think. I don’t understand how this could be happening but I miss him. Or the thought of him. Or really just anybody who is a little bit fond of me. How PATHETIC. I think I feel heartbroken but maybe I just pity myself. Again. PLOM: Poor little old me. Nobody loves me. (Heart-felt sobs...)
Yawn! For God’s sake, Helga. Get a grip. It’s just the culture shock. Tomorrow is another day and it can only get better.
I so hope it will.
xxx
Tuesday 22 March 2011
I had lost myself and went out looking for her....
6 March 2011
Tomorrow, I am going to fly half-way across the world hoping sincerely that I would run into myself and actually recognize myself.
I had lost myself a while ago and worked really hard on trying to find out why. Finding myself has become my objective because losing yourself really really really hurts. It doesn't put you in a nice place. Rather, it breaks you because naturally you're not whole.
So, the Goa experiment is an attempt to let my mind settle and relaxe and filter through those experiences and emotional roller coasters from the past year and a half hoping that what would remain after everything else has been stripped of will be me. Just me. Helga. Helkele. Me.
I am looking forward to finding me/myself. I've missed me for so long. I've been lonely without me for so long. It's about time I put myself together again. How exciting!
Let's see.
Tomorrow, I am going to fly half-way across the world hoping sincerely that I would run into myself and actually recognize myself.
I had lost myself a while ago and worked really hard on trying to find out why. Finding myself has become my objective because losing yourself really really really hurts. It doesn't put you in a nice place. Rather, it breaks you because naturally you're not whole.
So, the Goa experiment is an attempt to let my mind settle and relaxe and filter through those experiences and emotional roller coasters from the past year and a half hoping that what would remain after everything else has been stripped of will be me. Just me. Helga. Helkele. Me.
I am looking forward to finding me/myself. I've missed me for so long. I've been lonely without me for so long. It's about time I put myself together again. How exciting!
Let's see.
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